why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
