I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
