There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize