Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
