Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize