Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
