I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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