She is in my trunk
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
