if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
