lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
His nipple licking is glorious
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