He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
These tits shall not be calmed
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize