You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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