He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
