I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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