so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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