Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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