Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
