dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
