I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
