I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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