you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
