I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
