So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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