Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
