shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
