Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
