A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize