I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
