So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize