just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
