we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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