This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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