i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
