i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
