I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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