The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
