I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
