i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
