I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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