I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
