I heard we made out
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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