there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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