we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
