allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
