Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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