It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
