This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
