I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
