he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
