??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
