I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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