So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
