so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
