this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
