Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
