I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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