You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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