Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
