This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
