i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
