Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
