The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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