I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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