Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize