Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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