my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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