So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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