Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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