they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
