I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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