Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
