I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize