You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
